These past few months have been an interesting part in my life's journey.
Grief is a road that I have never really walked.
When my Dad walked out, I didn't grieve, yes sure I was devastated by him leaving. But the emotions that followed were so difficult to comprehend, that I just stuffed them deep within my heart. Hoping that they would never see the light of day.
When my sweet nephew went to meet Jesus just 7 months ago, all those pent up emotions started to bubble up. Not immediately, but slowly but surely they started to make their presence known.
Gosh in those beginning few weeks, I had so many questions! Why on earth did my faith not work? I mean I stood steadfastly onto the Word.
I found myself asking some really tough questions?
Having been raised by parents who knew the value of a firm foundation in the Word. My faith was rock solid, but, now my inner compass was shaken about! I found myself thinking the most outlandish questions,( I was too scared to even verbalise them) Questions like, Does God listen? Why believe when ultimately He decides what happens. Tough ones, hey!
This is what I have learned so far, God is a good God! He has our best interests at heart! He knows everything. And it is our faith in Him that pleases Him most.
When Janni told us about the condition of Zac's heart, I was in the States visiting Mom. I clearly remember the day Janni called, and told me of the severity of his condition.
I went onto the porch, and I prayed. After a time, I heard the Lord tell me
"It is done, Zac is healed, now stand!"
I heard those words as clear as a bell in my spirit.
So during the remainder of the pregnancy, those are the words that I stood on.
I would not be moved!
But when Zac passed, I sat on the floor in the hospital in a complete state of shock! I was in absolute disbelief! I remember going into Janni's room, our darling Tianna was in absolute shock, and I wanted to put my arms around her. Being faced with her devastation, was truly one of the most heart wrenching things I have encountered. I remember lying on the bed with Tianna, and doing the only thing I knew what to do. We prayed.
When we go through the toughest times in our lives, often times it feels like we are all alone. But I know that Jesus said that He would always be with us.
I remember asking Jesus to show me where He was. As I closed my eyes, I saw Jesus standing at the foot of the bed. And cradled in His arms was Zac. I will never forget the look on Jesus' face. The love and compassion in His eyes was overwhelming. Looking back on that moment, I can see that His Word did indeed come to pass. Zac is healed and whole.
His little life has impacted me so. His journey, has made me question what do I really believe?
Why do I settle to mediocrity?
So this is where I am at....
For the last few months, over and over in my spirit I have been hearing the Holy Spirit whisper to me "It's time for freedom"
Freedom from what? Well freedom in my relationship with God.
In this freedom Christ has made us free [and completely liberated us]; stand fast then, and do not be hampered and held ensnared and submit again to a yoke of slavery [which you have once put off]
I feel like I have been at a fork in the road, and this is the time to choose a new and exciting path.
Won't you join me, in seeing what the Father has in store for us?
One thing I know for certain, is that He wants a deeper relationship with each of us!
This is an exciting time!
Abba, thank you for the gift of Zac's 21 precious hours, in them he taught this Auntie a thing or two. Thank you for your un-failing love towards us.
Zac has left the most awesome legacy, he is the catalyst for change, to embark on a deeper relationship with our God.