Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Gosh this morning I had woken up with such a heavy and sad heart. Added to that, Kenzie is still not sleeping through.Last night she woke 4 times and the night before 7 times! Oh my word! Clearly my little poppet did not get the memo.... by 2 years old, you should be sleeping through!!

I have been working through Steven Covey's 7 Habits book and audio series. In it, he highlights the fact that we are our own architects. Masters of our own ships so to speak. We are responsible for our lives, and where we go in life.

Never has that been more clear to me, than right now.

I have in the past battled with depression, and have also come to know that I am a deep thinker. I have only come to that realisation quite recently in my life.( I always thought that I was a pretty simple person, not much deeper than  a teaspoon. hehe) But the funny thing is, that the enemy has known that for quite some time.

As I grow in my spiritual walk, the Holy Spirit has been highlighting areas in my life that need to be looked at. Hot spots! Where at times satan has a field day with me... I'll give you an example,

On Saturday morning, I woke with such an eagerness, I couldn't wait to get to the hospital to see Janni, Brett and Zac.
Before I left, I had my quiet time with Jesus. He led my to this scripture in Jude ...writing to those loved by God the Father, called and kept safe by Jesus. Relax, everything is going to be all right; rest, everything is coming together, open your hearts, love is one the way! (from The Message)

You can imagine my exuberance!! I texted Jan immediately! (I think that I might be a tad impulsive...need to work on that!)

At the hospital, I honestly thought, with every fibre of my being, that our Zac was going to make it. After all I got that scripture, didn't I?

But as we know, things didn't turn our as we had hoped! The devastation that I felt was overwhelming. Not only because of the loss of my sweet nephew, but also that my faith had taken a huge knock!

Please don't get me wrong, I love my Jesus, dearly! I just couldn't understand WHY?

So here's where I'm at. I woke up this morning, very sad, and with such a heaviness. My first thought was...'so clearly I can't hear Jesus' voice!' 'that scripture was a fluke' 'it would just be better to keep the kids home from school, and just say in bed' Honestly those were my thoughts this morning!

Mom gave me such good advice a little while ago, she said, that when you wake up in the morning, in a foul or depressed mood, see it for what it is. An attach from the enemy!

So this morning, I decided to make a choice! I chose to tell the devil to take a Hike!! The Word tells me, that those who follow Jesus know His voice!
I clearly jumped the gun with the scripture I got. I should have asked Jesus for more details, instead of assuming... I see now that this scripture is for right now!

As I stand in the stormy sea of emotions, I know that everything will be alright! Jesus said so. The key for me is to remain soft, and keep my heart open to my Saviour. He knows the bigger picture. And this is where trust comes into play.

Choose today, to lay down your own agenda, our Precious Jesus knows the way ahead. Our life is like a giant tapestry. Concentrating on a single stitch won't show you the bigger picture. Only when you step back and take it all in, will you see what the picture is.



Rest in Him




Niqui xx

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for this post. I am so sorry for the pain you and your family are enduring right now. Stay in the Word! Indeed, the enemy knows when we are weak and looks for a chink in our armor.

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  2. 'Choose today, to lay down your own agenda, our Precious Jesus knows the way ahead. Our life is like a giant tapestry. Concentrating on a single stitch won't show you the bigger picture. Only when you step back and take it all in, will you see what the picture is'.

    These words, written by YOU are perfect! xx

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