Monday, December 12, 2011

This morning the scale told me that my weight has remained the same for the week that has passed.


 I was very diligent with my exercise this week. I even went for a walk yesterday morning. My Ashlynn, a.k.a The Energiser Bunny, came with me. OH MY WORD! That kid has too much energy, we ran most of the way, when I told her I was a tad tired, she looks at me with a dead straight face, and says "Oh come on Mom! You're not going to get fit walking so slowly!" LOL

Seriously now, I can feel that something is shifting, and it more than the weight.

At the start of this process I asked Jesus to help me, and would you believe, He is (^^,). He is showing me that my weight issue is really a symptom of something much deeper.

For the longest time I have been unhappy with myself. And when you focus on the negativity in your life, negativity then becomes your reality. It really becomes all that you see.

Gosh I am finding this so hard to put into words.

Self control is a fruit of the Spirit, so if the Spirit resides in me, why do I find it so hard to control my eating. I am starting to see that it is because I don't value myself.

Growing up I was the apple of my Daddy's eye. When I turned 13 it was like a switch flipped, and Daddy tuned out. He has told me, now recently, that he didn't really know how to communicate with me back then. And now having a daughter of my own about to turn 13, I can understand why he said what he did. But thank God that there is now so much more information available to parents today, that we can make better choices in raising our kids.
When I was 18, my Dad left our family and married someone else. The devastation was enormous.

This is how the enemy works, he takes something this that happened in our childhood, and then compounds on it. So for me, when Dad pulled away from me, I saw it as I was not good enough for his affection. (I know now, that it was never ever his intention). Then when he left us all, that feelling was re-enforced.

Gosh it has been 19 years since that all happened, I am now 37 years old. And now I am finally able to see that the enemy's sole purpose is to get us so wrapped up within ourselves, and our pain. So that we have a very limited relationship with our Heavenly Father.

Taking the steps to get healing....
The first this I have had to do, is to forgive my Dad. That's a biggy, then I have to ask God for forgiveness for believing the lie, that I am not worthy of His love. You see in believing that I was not worthy of my Dad's love, I inadvertently believed that I was not worthy of God's love. Our relationships with our dad's mirror our relationship with God.
Then I have to ask Father God what He says about me. And for that I can look to His Word, John 3.16 tell me that He SO loved the me that He sent Jesus to die for me, so that I could be in relationship with Him!

Jesus says in John 8.32 "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free"

It is in the knowing of the truth where the freedom happens. And with freedom comes peace.

Today I feel like a weight has been lifted, and it is just a matter of time for the physical weight (around my thighs, LOL) to melt away.

Psalm 139.14 "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well"

Today is a new day, one which the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Niqui xx


  1. Great Blog my Niqui - (now I know why I was so self conscious about my thighs!! as if thin ones could make us good enought right!!):)

    I'm also so thankful to Precious Jesus that there comes a time in every girl's life, when we courageously decide to 'own ourselves' as the gorgeous, beautiful women,God created, because it's what inside that counts - So take it from one who 'knows' you -

    'You're an absolutely gorgeous & beautiful woman with outstanding giftings & feminine graces that have won your husband's heart and set a course for your daughter's to follow!

    I celebrate you!!
    With all my love,

  2. Dear Niqui,

    I am so touched and encouraged by what you have shared.

    I constantly struggle with self control, because of all the self-loathing feelings I have. The enemy tells me that I will never be able to heal from all the painful experiences of my past.

    Your story gives me hope to continually trust in Christ.

    Thank you!



  3. Oh Nicky,

    I feel your frustration and pain. This has been my journey for the last 2yrs and it's the sole reason, I never post pics of myself. Thank you for this post, it really resonated with something deep in me.

    Thank you and Much Love,